I think literary agents spend far too much time ranting instead of sharing details of those queries and experiences that have left us in tears, tears of laughter. Here are a few of our most recent favorites.
In a query the author started by going into great detail to tell the story of Famous Bestselling Author and how she struggled to find an agent and publisher. It was only “one visionary agent” who took it on. The Author then continued, after telling me the title of her book, to say, “I expect most agents and editors will dismiss it out of hand.”
So before even telling me anything about your book, you’ve told me I’m not a visionary and that your book won’t sell. . . .
Your query tells me nothing about your book. It talks about you, your children, your life (sort of like a Christmas letter) and finishes by asking me to take a look at your writing. The clincher? You know I’m going to pass so in your P.S. you tell me that you’ve researched lots of sample queries, they seem odd, so you’re just going to write from the heart. That’s all well and good. Writing from the heart is great. I still need to know something about your book.
“I have many different ideas for books. There are 3 major reasons why I have no manuscript for you 2 look at. A. Honestly, my grammar skills suck and writing a full manuscript would be futile. B. I just don’t have the time to finish one and if I was living comfortably and had a person to help me with my writing dos and don’ts than I could finish one pretty quickly. C. I’m too ignorant about the process and would be embarrassed to hand people my work that didn’t completely encompass my vision. Anyways, what I lack as writer, I make up for it with my storytelling.
“I have four kids; I am single; and I am available. . . .” Now, the author did add: “for all aspects of editing, writing, and polishing my book,” but those first words were rather jarring.