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Another #BeatRejection Update

This has been an interesting last few days in terms of my #BeatRejection Challenge. As I feared, I’ve sort of petered out a little. I found I had a lot of things vying for my attention and the last thing I had to worry about was figuring out additional tasks for myself. That being said, I’ve found that this challenge is changing me in other ways, and I am doing things that are, maybe, a little less task oriented.

I took a stand. I found myself in a situation where some decisions were made for a group I belong to that I was uncomfortable with. I figured I had two choices: I could grumble along with everyone else, simply follow the herd when it came to making a decision on how to participate or I could take a stand and express my concerns and desires, something that might paint me as a trouble-maker and cause some uncomfortable moments down the line. I went with the latter. I approached three different groups (does this count as three different #BeatRejection tasks?) and expressed my concerns. From the most immediate group I got a response from about one-third of those contacted. Most was positive. I think only one was negative. I was later contacted by the second group and felt very supported. I ended up pleased and feeling like I was making a decision. Things blew up a few days later and I was in the hot water I had originally predicted I’d be in. To be honest, these tasks took up a ridiculous amount of my time. All that being said, I’m still really happy I took a stand.

I’ve started making phone calls instead of email. We’ve become a society where email is extremely easy. It also allows us to avoid confrontation and deal with people on our own terms. As part of the Challenge, I’m making a conscious effort to call people more. I think a little one-on-one verbally allows for a more intimate experience. We can get to know each other and, in some cases, the other person might be able to learn how unhappy I really am. I’ve been making an effort to replace one email a day with a phone call. I find that the response is wonderful and I’m calling more often overall.

This is sort of odd. I’m sure you’ll tell me if it doesn’t fit the bill. I ordered an item from Amazon that came from a third-party seller. They sent me the wrong item so I emailed through Amazon to let them know and they emailed back asking me to return the item and they would send the new one and credit me the postage. I think that’s really odd. I think they should send me a postage paid label, but they claim they don’t have the ability to do that. I decided to trust them rather than argue. I had also thought of just keeping and using the new item, but it wasn’t what I ordered. So we’ll see. The return is in the mail.

Having nothing to do with the challenge I’m having one of those weeks where everything is getting away from me so I’m having a hard time doing specific challenge tasks. I’ll try to get on track next week.

Even this blog post is half a day late!

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9 comments

  1. I agree on the occasional person to person or phone call connection, but honestly? When it’s business related, other than brainstorming which really does seem to work well verbally, I really need the written transcript that email provides. I honestly don’t retain what I’m hearing as well as what I read. Possibly because writing is my main form of communication, but when it comes to business, to things that affect me professionally, I really do like it all written down so I can reread and get the full meaning.

    And congrats on your “beat rejection” journey. I wish I were better at confronting issues–generally, I just want them to go away!

  2. I suppose if you were to compare some of the things you’re doing to what was in that original post of the person who documented the what- 100? – days of rejection, then maybe you’re not “doing it right”, but for me, what you’ve been doing is entirely in the spirit of it and matches more of how I would approach it, were I to do so.

    You’ll note the “were I to do so”. Haha. One day. I’m really appreciating your updates.

  3. It sounds like your challenge has been a success Jessica, the aim was to push your comfort zone and you have done that. Your now doing things you would not have done a few week ago.

    My challenge went of the rails also, I went from one infection to another, and the more I thought about it sitting here asking people to do things over the internet wasn’t much of a challenge for me. It what I do all the time, they may not be things I’d ask for, but that’s only because usually because I wouldn’t think to ask, not because it would bother me.

    So I started looking closer at what would bother me and decided that was/is my writing. When I first started, other than my mum and the friend who suggested the idea, nobody outside this house knew I was even writing. I’ve been around authors and reviewing since 2007. While people now know I’m writing, they don’t really know much more. So that was my big challenge.

    I’ve just finished Angela Jame’s editing course, she made a few corrections and on a paragraph and explained to me where I had a problem, and thinking back even though I was sick it didn’t hurt as i thought it would.
    So, I’m doing a small course about witches and fairies in Scotland at the moment. I planned to use it as research, but I’ve taken the plunge and got involved.
    I’ve done the assignments, sent in my answers to the group not privately to the tutor. There has been some questions, which I’ve answered, but over all the response has been positive.
    There is the opportunity to send the tutor a chapter at the end and I’m going to take it, she will be the first person to read more than a few paragraphs.

    I haven’t done the daily challenge, but I am very happy with facing my biggest fear, because that it was that fear of people seeing my work that I started this challenge. Its a work in progress, but I took the first step.

    1. I think that’s what I’ve learned from the challenge. #1 I’ve learned I’m not that fearful of a person and that many of the things I did were things I’d likely do anyway, but facing the consequences wasn’t as bad because I knew I was pushing myself. #2 I kept thinking about ways to push myself that would grow those things I wanted to support, not asking a police officer for a ride.

  4. Firstly, sorry to hear you’re continuing to struggle with your health, Hollie. But what great tasks you’ve done!

    Like Jessica, my week ran away from me. I’ve been on ‘residential’ for my study. I’m studying biometrics (which is fascinating!) – not as a career change (although wouldn’t say no if the opportunity arose) but because I want to be up-to-date and technically accurate for my writing (and thanks to the course my head is exploding with ideas. I just need the time to write the books now, lol).

    But I have been trying really hard to stick to something each day. But again, like Jessica, it’s more about asking for things I’d normally be too nervous/anxious about asking for, rather than the rejection. I’ve found I am getting braver. Here’s my efforts for the last 9 days (I’m late too):

    Day 17 – Asked a mum from the youngest Barbarian’s basketball team to be manager. Y (however, a few days later she changed her mind)

    Day 18 – Asked family to get up at 4am in a few weeks to drop me at the bus station so I can visit a friend for a day. Y

    Day 19 – Received eBay item and had to pay an additional postage fee. Contacted seller to ask for the amount to be refunded. Y

    Day 20 – Asked neighbours if Barbarians could stay at their house for 30mins before riding to school as I had to get to class. Y

    Day 21 – Asked if study class could finish early so I could get to the basketball team I coach in time. Y

    Day 22 – Asked for permission to use elements of someone’s material in a workshop I’m hoping to present at a writing conference next year. Y

    Day 23 – Rang a tradesman who did some work last year that has started to come apart. Would normally just fix myself. He comes tomorrow. Y

    Day 24 – I took leave-without-pay from work (a combination of health and wanting to have time to write) in late July. Was asked about returning to work next year (to a job I don’t particularly like). Not sure yet (looking for alternate work) so asked if we could discuss next year in a month’s time. Y

    Day 25 – Asked another parent to take on manager role for basketball team. N

  5. Thanks AJ and good luck finding someone to help with the basketball team.

    I received an email a few days ago that a contest is a little low on numbers, the final entry date is Sunday and I thought it would be a good way to end this challenge.

    Except my MS isn’t exactly fully finished, so I’ve spent the last 2 days editing/re-writing the first 30 pages. Still work to be done as I had not long finished the first draft when I had this harebrained idea.
    Today I’m working on garbage and filler words. Tomorrow and Friday it will be more fixing.
    I don’t have time to find anyone to edit it, let alone get it sent out and back by Sunday morning. So its just going to be my best effort, final run through on Sunday before I send it in.
    Worst that can happen is they never contact me, because it’s so bad they pretend they never received it.
    But this is something I would not have considered doing, even with a finished ms a month ago.
    To make sure I don’t back out I told my mum and the kids, eek what did I do?

  6. I’ve been following along with this project since you first posted–albeit half-assedly; I’m not a fan of confrontation or rejection–and here’s what happened:

    After two-and-a-half years of work-related misery, I made a list of all the places I might want to work, reworked my resume and cover letter, and went about finding a new job. I’ve known for a long time I have a problem downplaying my abilities. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that a lack of confidence equaled humility, and my resume/cover letter reflected that. So I scrapped what I had, added more cowbell, and sent them out. I received my first (of four!) offers 13 hours later.

    Buoyed by that, I took a gamble and asked or more money. My previous job had been a management position–and I wanted to keep or improve on my management salary, despite the new job not being a management position. The company felt that was reasonable and exceeded my asking salary by 15%.

    With two big wins in a row, I became more…cautious. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I didn’t want to be seen as some demanding diva. I didn’t want to be more trouble than I was worth. And mostly, I think, I didn’t want to lose what I’d already “won.” Like life is like some big cosmic poker game, and every time you ask for something, you run the risk of going broke. But instead I kept going.

    My second day at the new job, a more senior position opens up. I let my boss know I want to be considered. She agrees I’m a good fit and offers me the job. Without even asking if a pay increase is possible, I give her my new salary requirements for the new position. She agrees, no questions asked.

    There were a lot of little rejections, too, but to be honest, I don’t remember too many of those. My internet service provider wouldn’t give me a new modem for free when mine died. The non-profit I work with denied my request for funds to outsource some projects to more capable (and less time-strapped) people. My co-worker refused to bring me a Starbucks. Little things. And I’m no worse off for them not working out.

    And I guess that’s the point, really, isn’t it? That you’re no worse off hearing “no.” I could have sent out resumes and nothing happened with them, or asked for a wage I felt I deserved and been turned down…and my life wouldn’t have been any worse off than it had been at the time.

    I’m still trying to find ways to apply this to writing, since Old Job really did a number on me in that area. But I think if nothing else, it’s become clear to me that if you want something, you have to admit that you want it, accept that you might not get it, and then through whatever means possible, gather up the courage to ask.

    1. Emily! This has made my entire day. You have defined what this challenge was about better than I ever could. Thank you so much for sharing and a huge congratulations. You should be writing this blog. –Jessica, who is truly touched by this.

  7. Congratulations Emily, take all that positive energy and put it into your writing. With results like that, you can do anything you set your mind too.
    I’m so happy for you xxx

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