Thank you, Bryan, for this comment on my post about The Art of the Query. You nailed exactly what every writer needs to do. You need to get yourself a critique group for queries only. That’s what we have here at BookEnds. Almost every pitch we write goes through round after round of critique, feedback, and advice from the Team — people who have never read the book and are reading the pitch the way an editor or, in your case, an agent would.
Not only will a query critique group help your pitch, but by editing and reading other pitches/queries you will learn a lot about what makes a strong pitch and how a pitch can help with book revisions.