How One Word Can Impact the Strength of Your Query
- By: Jessica Faust | Date: Jul 29 2015
When coaching my assistants and other agents on how to approach editors I’ve always been very particular about word choice. The word “just” has been a pet peeve of mine for a number of years. It’s a word I’ve consciously worked to remove from my vocabulary and a word I’ve encouraged my team to drop.
Dear Editor:
I’d like to ask if you have just a few minutes to discuss my very important concerns regarding these edits.
Dear Editor:
I’d like set up some time to discuss my very important concerns regarding these edits.
I am writing to tell you about the terrific new thriller I’ve written.
I am just writing to tell you about the terrific new thriller I’ve written.
Submissions:
I’m following up on the submission I sent back in January.
I’m just following up on the submission I sent in January.
Take a look at your query, at all the professional correspondence you have written. Let’s work together to eliminate just from our professional vocabulary.
–jhf
First word to go in my round of edits. It's a weak descriptive word. …and as my English literature professor friend tells me, "Sounds like a Protestant prayer." ha! Let's make our deeds just and our words more imaginative!
I had that same reaction when I read Jessica's blog post, Beth–that's one of 'those' words I do a search and destroy on when I finish a manuscript. It fits perfectly when I'm writing, stands out like a sore thumb in revisions. I try not to use it.
It's a "voice" or pov word in fiction, though. Obviously, you'd use it in dialog if the character would in that situation. And if it fits the tone of the narrative (because the pov character would use "just" in that situation), I think it makes sense to use it.
This may seem obvious, but I've run across a number of new writers who extrapolate advice or rules aimed at business or non-fiction writing to fiction.
Great examples that beautifully illustrate the problem! I do have to agree in part with E. L. Wagner, though. So much depends on context, even with a word like "just." I was recently informed in a writing-group meeting that I may not say "A lot of people . . . " but must say "Many people . . ." In an academic article, I would certainly choose "many," but if I were specifically looking for a breezy, colloquial tone, I might well decide on "a lot of." But you're spot-on with these examples.
Second! (That is, second the motion.) Eliminate the word that shall not be spoken. Or written.
I am more conscious of just now than I used to be. Along with that it used to make my ms light up like a sports oval at night when I got MSWord to highlight overused words. I think I use it a lot less now I am aware of it.
Awareness is the key. I remember when I was a kid my Mum got sick of my brothers and I using the word stuff. We'd use it instead of describing something. "I need my stuff" "She messed up her exam because of all that stuff" Drove Mum bonkers. She began correcting us every time we used the word. Made us realise how often it came out of our mouths. Didn't take too long and we'd stopped using it. Even now, if someone says stuff I find it very jarring.
Angela James has a number of words like just and that, which in most case can be removed from a sentence without changing it.
But you always have to take the situation and the characters into consideration.
If we were writing about my kids all we would have to do is take 'the' out of ever sentence and reduce them all to 4 words and it would be perfect.
I remember making a conscious decision about a year ago to remove "just" and words like it from my professional communications.
Funny, though, I still use it prolifically in early drafts of my fiction writing, but without the same implications. Eventually I'll purge it from my writing habits altogether…
Aaaaaaagggghhhhhh! I have to thank you. Now I'm seeing how often I write just in my work. I do agree, however, that certain characterizations would benefit from such lazy speech.
And may I mention my personal pet peeve? Why does everyone these days have to write "Having said that…" and "That being said…"? Were emptier words ever written? It's like fingernails on a blackboard when people start their sentences in this way.