On the Other Side of Fear is Success
- By: Jessica Faust | Date: Feb 17 2022
At the end of each of her podcasts, Brene Brown asks her guests what people get most wrong about them. I think about this question a lot. I’m fascinated by what people might think of me, and when and why they might be wrong. There’s one thing that popped into my head today that I’ve never really considered. That people think I’m fearless, or at least not scared.
You couldn’t be more wrong. There’s hardly a day that goes by when I’m not scared of something–of failing, of succeeding, of saying the wrong thing, of not speaking up. There are a million ways I could let fear make my decisions. I am scared, often, but I’m also brave.
My Fears
A million years ago I rode one of those rides where they strap you into a harness, raise you a bajillion feet in the air, and then you pull a lever to release yourself. My friends and I then flew over the Atlantic City Boardwalk screaming our heads off. Yes, because if this wasn’t scary enough we chose to try it on a boardwalk. With 16-year-old kids strapping us in.
I was asked later why I would ever do something like that, especially if it scared me. Because strapping into the harness wasn’t scary. It was pulling that lever, knowing we were just going to freefall over the carnival games.
My reply was that I was more afraid of fear than I was of the things that scare me. That being said, I see no reason to watch a horror flick.
But I was slightly wrong in my answer. I’m not afraid of fear. I’m afraid of letting fear control me. I’m afraid that letting fear drive my decisions will make for a small life. And anyone who knows me knows that I don’t intend to have a small life.
The Other Side of Fear
In my most fearful moments, when I’m doing something that terrifies me, my heart racing and even sweating, what I know is that on the other side of that fear is joy and success.
I still remember that moment when we pulled the lever on the harness and flew. The sights, the laughter from the crowd below, the lights and the joy of the wind blowing against us. Pure joy. Something that still makes me smile today, something I never would have experienced if I let fear control me.
Now being brave and facing fears does not need to mean harnessing yourself to a cable. But it could mean submitting to that agent you want the most, writing that scene your critique group thinks is too big, or too different, or just saying to the world that you are a writer. How many deny saying that simply because of fear?
On the other side of fear is success. It might not be the success you envision when you’re scared, but I can promise it will be the success you’re ready for. The success you would not have achieved had you let fear stop you.
I love this post! I spent years letting “fear” control me, and thanks to a very supportive spouse, I’m very proud of being able to take the chances I’ve always wanted to. Sure, I might fail, but I know I would fail if I never got the courage to try.
There is a huge difference between something like bungee jumping, freefall towers, cable drops etc. and writing and publishing a book, though.
I bungee jumped once. Took about five seconds of badassery for letting myself fall. Everthing else was pretty much done and decided for me. The stakes were huge (actually, later that same day, on the same tower, a bungee cord snapped, leaving a jumper dead), but the effort involved was minimal on my part and the responsibility was all on the personnel of the tower.
With something like writing a book, it is the opposite. It takes a lot of effort, drawn out over a long period of time. It is not enough to be a badass for five seconds, you need to overcome your insecurities and your fear of failure with pretty much every single sentence you write. And, at least as long as you don’t have an editor, it is all on you (and even when you have an editor, the creative responsibility is still all on you). No one is going to take that responsibility from you. If it turns out to be a bad sentence, scene, chapter, book … it is your fault and yours alone.
The only thing that can help you to face that fear and insecurity is to remind yourself that the stakes are rather low. What is the worst that can happen? A beta reader, agent or editor does not like the book (chapter/scene/sentence). So either you change it, or you write anohter one. Or even if you don’t: you haven’t lost much, except maybe the time you put into writing the book. But would your life really be better if you had spent that time watching Netflix, reading or knitting socks?
So I would argue, the fear writers (and I am sure other creators as well) face is of a different nature than the bungee jumping fear and requires a slightly different strategy.
Similar I suppose to the fear of starting a business, taking on the dreams of writers to try to make them come true and hiring a staff who counts on you to pay them each week. I think the bungee jump analogy still works.
Interesting. Thank you.
I always like your posts…but this one I LOVED. Thanks for sharing it with us!
The other side of fear is death.
What an awesome post! I love “fearing more of fear controlling you than fear itself.” That is so powerful. In the Hero’s Journey, fear is like a threshold guardian trying to keep us from writing the story we want to write.
Hi Jessica and thanks for this post. I totally get your ‘fear’. I had that same experience on that same ride, albeit in a different location. Mine was down in Norfolk VA while on vacation; I saw that contraption from across the grounds of the amusement park and was drawn to it like a magnet. When I pulled the lever and released me from the only thing keeping me a bazillion feet up, fear went out the window and exhilaration set in. I did it twice that day. But that wasn’t enough. A few years later, I wanted to see if that thrill would result in fear again. So I signed up for an introductory skydiving lesson. 13,000ft up, I got to the door. I didn’t feel fear. To be honest, I felt fear walking out to the plane, but once I got to the door, fear was replaced by anticipation of a new experience. Fear stops people from living. As Sting said on the Steven Colbert Show when asked “What’s the worst smell?” “Fear” was his reply. Ain’t it the truth.
Sounds like the Parachute ride! Terrified as heck, I went up there several times just to feel that hairs-breath of weightlessness before the drop. Beautiful post, Jessica. Thank you!
Fear is a biggy. Every single day when I sit down to write, I’m terrified that I just. can’t. do. it.
And then I just do.
You’re not fearless, you confront and lean into it and do.
I did a course with Shirley Jump many, many years ago. During the course, she said there are two types of fear – a fear of success and a fear of failure – and that both will stop you from reaching your goal. This has stuck with me and I use it to push me through my fear of failure. I think I’ve achieved a lot more since then.
Skydiving, bungee jumping, running after lightning bolts—yikes! I’d have to be stoned out of my head. Seriously, it is “of a different nature.”
Yes, speaking and writing rates high with most people on the “I’m too scared to try scale.”
And you are right to say success is on the other side, even in ways you may not have thought of in the first place. A few years back there were attempts to stop me from speaking, at an event I had been invited to speak. After this particular speech a good friend of mine came up to me and said, “That was the very definition of bravery.” I thanked her, then said it was as much about being indignant as brave. In truth, I was more scared not to give it. The fact I continued the speech, continues to inspire me. Which makes it something that was a success in a way I never could have imagined.
I’m sending a link to the speech, because it is great drama, especially if you know the back story. And NO, I am not running for office again. I can do more keeping up with my writing.
Running as a Write-in Candidate in Arkansas / Labor in 21st Century America (2015)
https:www.youtube.com/watch?v=_E6GP5nxn_U