- By: Jessica Faust | Date: Aug 31 2011
By repeated request we’ve started Workshop Wednesday. It will definitely play out through 2011, and beyond that we’ll just have to see. We’ve received well over 200 queries at this point, but we are choosing at random, so don’t be afraid to participate as per the guidelines in our original post.
For anyone wanting to comment, we ask that you comment in a polite and respectful manner, and we ask that you be as constructive as possible. If you can be useful to the brave souls who submitted their query and comment on the query, that’s great. Please keep any anonymous tirades on publishing or other snarky comments to yourself. This is and should remain an open and safe forum for people to put themselves and their queries out there so that everyone can learn. I’m leaving comments open and open to anonymous posters, as I always have; don’t make me feel the need to change that policy.
And for those who have never “met” Query Shark, get over there and do that. She’s the originator of the query critique, the queen, if you will.
The ideal time to meet the love your life is probably not when you’re stalking your ex. Unless the love of your life is also stalking your ex that is…
I think this is a strong and interesting opening. My only hesitation would be that it sounds a little chick lit, but I’ll hold judgement at this point. I’d also delete “that is”; I think it weakens the point.
Josie Stephenson is not just accident-prone – she’s so intimate with disaster that she could probably have its baby and no one would ask questions. Thankfully she’s still a virgin, so that’s one thing she doesn’t have to worry about. That just leaves her glamorous career at the mortuary, owing her godmother eleven new gnomes, and her fiance leaving her for another woman.
I’m totally thrown by this paragraph. It has nothing to do with the preceding paragraph and now I feel like you’re tossing a lot of information of me, but none of it fits into a story, at least from my perspective.
All she wants to do is survive her heartbreak – and maybe get a new job, a new place to stay, and a dinosaur bone for her dog. Instead she finds herself falling for (in front of, on top of, and over) the mysterious new guy. But is he going to be the best thing she’s stumbled upon since shin pads? Or will he convince her that the only safe men are dead ones?
I think this could be a strong paragraph if I understood what the book was about. Honestly, if feels like you’ve brushed the hook away and you’ve definitely downplayed it. I assume, given the title, that the gnomes play some significant part of the book and are quite possibly a paranormal element, and yet I have absolutely no sense that this is paranormal. Or maybe it’s not since you call it contemporary romance. See, I’m confused.
What exactly is this book about, what’s the hook, what’s the chief storyline. That’s what I need to know, not fragments of who the character is.
Naughty Gnomes is a finished, contemporary romance of 83,000 words, set in a large rural town in Australia. Please find the first chapter and synopsis below.
Unless the gnomes are playing a large part in your book, and presumably the query, this title doesn’t work. If you can show me in your query why the title would be “Naughty Gnomes” it would make sense.
And lastly, I miss that you didn’t give me an bio. I assume (from your address actually) that you are from Australia, but I’d like to know a little about you, a tidbit of who you are.
Thank you for your time and consideration.